The Coakley Comedy Tour

January 19th, 2010 |

Author: Rachel

Exhibit A: In the Massachusetts Senate Debate, Scott Brown slams one out of the park when he calls the moderator (and the entitlement complex of Democrats in general) on their consistent reference to the newly available Senate seat as “Ted Kennedy’s seat” (like they own it). Just a reminder to all you Statists out there: “It’s the PEOPLE’s seat!”

View on YouTube

Exhibit B: With poll numbers showing support for Brown skyrocketing, Dems start scurrying like panicked rats on a sinking ship. They threaten to stall Brown’s swearing-in if he wins, attack a reporter at a fundraiser, roll out a not-so-clever round of attack ads, and even misspell “Massachusetts” in one of their TV ads.

Exhibit C: Obama decides to distance himself from the coming loss, then changes his mind. He flies in to remind Coakley supporters that the world as we know it is going to implode (read: Obamacare is DOA) if they let an evil Republican steal away “Ted Kennedy’s” seat (if Kennedy could have left “his” senate seat as a “legacy” to a chosen beneficiary, I’m sure we would have read that in his will somewhere). In the process, he manages to alienate what’s left of his hard-working American fan base by mocking the old truck Scott Brown uses when he’s out campaigning. Meanwhile, volunteers fail to show up for Coakley’s phone bank to get out the vote, seeing the writing on the wall.

Exhibit D: The media just don’t know what to make of this ideological shift in the bluest of blue states, which should have been a shoo-in. One thing’s for certain: they’re positive it’s not a referendum on Obama’s policies. Oh, no. It has to be that Coakley was a lousy candidate (they have doctors for this level of denial!). One brave reporter in Boston is willing to blame Obama, though. I hope he believes in 2nd Amendment rights and sleeps with a gun under his pillow.

Exhibit E: The Coakley camp fires back, claiming that Obama and the Democratic party “failed” their candidate. Personal responsibility doesn’t fit into Liberal ideology, after all.

Exhibit F: In a memorable faux paux in keeping with the ”Dewey Defeats Truman” journalism tradition, the Boston Globe declares Coakley the winner 7 hours early on their website. The post is quickly pulled down, but not before critics get the screen shots they need to circulate this embarrassment all over the internet.

Exhibit G: Giving the Democrat spin machine a run for its money, satire artist Scott Ott’s Scrappleface (News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.) offers up a hilarious comedy gem in a column entitled: “Obama: Coakley victorious if Brown gets less than 60 percent“:

As voters in Massachusetts go to the polls today to decide who will complete the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy’s unexpired term, President Obama declared that “anything less than a 20-point win by Scott Brown represents a resounding endorsement of my entire domestic and foreign policy agenda.”

“If Brown ends up with less than 60 percent, there’s gonna be a lot of sullen Republicans, moping around, hanging their heads,” said the president to a crowd of supporters that greeted him upon his return from stumping for Democrat Martha Coakley. “Such a thin margin against such a historically weak opponent would be tantamount to a crushing loss for Scott, and would signal a clear rejection of the GOP platform in general.”

A spokesman for the Coakley campaign agreed that “the only real question now is, how embarrassing will Scott Brown’s win be?”

“Our internals show that he might eke out a margin something less than double digits,” said the unnamed Coakley campaign source, “It would be laughable if it weren’t so tragic to see all of that money and effort wasted on a shamefully small point spread.”

The White House said the president’s last-minute campaign visit to Massachusetts was not designed to bolster Coakley’s sagging poll numbers, but to give the president an up-close look at the sad state of the Republican Party and conservatism in general.

“It was really a triumphant visit, without gloating of course,” said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, “The president packed nearly 75 percent of a 3,000 seat hall. Meanwhile, a similar rally for Scott Brown couldn’t even provide seats for everyone, and left some out in the cold … another illustration of the bankruptcy of Republican ideas and the insensitivity of a party that wants to keep health care decisions in the hands of a bunch of sick people and greedy doctors.

It just gets better and better! So grab some popcorn and watch the election results roll in.

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